MY FIRST LOVE...............

HIII ,

Today I was talking to one of my buddy .....ahh ya he was from my sports hostel...,we were just memorising and talking about our old days ...how we use to enjoy our lives in that kind of difficult schedule ,as schedule start right at 5 am in the morning and end up at 7;30 in evening , and then after all those nuscenses heheheh

, and in the end of session how we use to put all our efforts to make it in team.....

have I ever told you about my life ,that what I was , ya i know as most of time I am here to crib about the negative part of my life and my present time...Today I just realised that life is too short .

annhhh..... ya well I was a sports man guys, I use to play out right in the team,and now I am doing PhD in sports sciences , well I was a fighter and utterly stubborn towards ever thing , who had never say die approach ...mm may be still I have.

Well today I am here to discuss about my first love which none other than HOCKEY...............

my friend was discussing about how we use to play and how crowd use to cheer for us .....hey I missed my school and college days , as most of people who know me still being in touch and cherish my days.wow all I remember is my Hockey Stick, my kit bag, all my sport gears, which are still being with me....
As according to him we were dudes ...........heheheh,well really I dont have any greatest idea about what he said ......but my most memorable moment was when I saw my name among of the players who had sellected for INDIAN TEAM at JUNIOR LEVEL wowwwwwwwwwww....

like still those moments were preety fresh in front of my eyes....

I MISS MY DAYS hmmm>>>>>>>> WELL I REALLY DONT KNOW HOW INSANE I AM ,BUT I am FEELING THAT AS ITS NOT BEING TOO LATE TO GET BACK TO FIELD , I AM FEELING LIKE MY OLD DAYS ARE CALLING ME.

Well ya Its really sad to read about your perception about me ...as you feeling like I m a cheater and a lier ....hey I do agree that most of time I am quite admant and never listen to any one ......and most of time I hide my hard time from others ,,,but that doesnt mean that I am a cheater ....

Just think about it .....what I have done ,what I am doing and why Iam here,,,, and if still you think I have betrayed you or to cheated on you , then tell more I can do....

I know Some time I am really hyper and I poke in that flow...and I am really sorry for that...........

hey ALL thanks To my hostel mate who make me memorizing my days and give me a new life to breath in.................

thanks to this page who can hear me.

THE CIRCUMSTANCES......

hii ,

I guess its been since long I am writing now, the reason wasnt that simple , because i was roaming all around the country just to get a bit near by to the place where my beloved dwell in.....

So at last i m here for last 5 days it was just like a dream come true ,as we roam all around the city on her scooty pep,done all the jobs which we had looking to be in hehehe.....pearcing , shopping , eating chinease....and etc.....hey she drove quite fast haan so dont underestimate her as a driver ,,,,,as i had also got the chance to drive her scooty and got all the driving lessons from my back seat......hehehe.but i love that well all thanks to sun ,who provide me this apportunity hehehe....

great fun with great enjoyment ....isnt,,but still most of time i m questioning my self why cant i make her satisfy ...how can i make her happy.how to do it, some time I frustrated with this and trouble myself and her too .....

things were preaty fine till yesterday ,,,

when because of my home quarrels and my frustration to make her happy comes out with all sought of stupid words which i spoke to her....and now as result now she is not talking to me not answering my calls and msgs ........

plzz i request you all plzz pray for me so that she will talk to me ,,,,as i cant see her angry.

but i didnt mean that bacha............

i hope you can understand ...As you allways , so plzz do it this time also na......

some time I really tired hard to make things in a proper way around me....but what to do,some time god wishes are greater than yours....

you being like a small pebbel in front of the almighty destiny....

So as I felt same................

I hope you will understand me and as your anger shed off ,,,

I will make you understand my last day condition..........

A Journey................Dream come true.......

Hii ,As we need to go further, before that i would like to say hii to u all and just wish for the wellness from almighty,

I know most of time I m being a chaff and talk babble, but i beg you for this as I am not cognizant of it......

So furthur on that day arun keep trying to fiddle that guy ,Arun also told him that the pick of the gal is also fake , hehehehe ......... , but that guy was in deep shock as it was very first time he had gone through all this , he wasnt ready to accost this situation ,

but later on the guy appeared to acquiesce to arun words ,

but deep in sight some thing has already started , which he wasn't know that it would be so virulent and vehement,

after all , this guy keep on waiting for the gal on the net , most of time he kept on waiting for her and ponder her , As he do had her fake pick , this guy keep on ponder her for hours and hours , and try to over come the sulk,

earlier he thought that its just a infatuation , but as time passes on this thing take the heavy toll ,he kept on pondering her and want to concede his thoughts about her ,

in between its 4 or 5 times she met him online, and talk about the some admission of his nephew at Doon school, the guy express his help in the intake process,as he have good contacts over there ,,, frankly speaking he just looking for an way so that he can talk to her again but he failed as he is menial , and as the result she found it abominable and said big no to him,,hehehehe ,

while talking to her he try hard to express him but he always fails to do so as he was quite shy and more Lesly afraid off too ,,,so he remain his words silent , as what he was afraid of what ever said by arun about the city gals ,

but he thought what ever he said ,,, thats all apart but this gal is not like others , as this gal express her sorry to him ,on that prank.....

but still this guy quite afraid off , thats why from that day only he decided to not to go on chat room because of its very first bitter experience ,slowly -slowly time has passed ....

and one day again this gal met him ........

and suddenly she asked him why love hurt ....... , it seems like that she was shattered by some one in love ....

by looking her in deep sorrow this guy shattered in to his deep........he coudnt find the way to console her in any means......

So at last he said love never hurts ......as thats all he know about the love......

As this guy was in conversation with her ........ suddenly arun appears huh ......

And we all start conversation........

while in this guy gave her hint about what he feel about her,,,, and remaining of things is proofed by arun words ............

after wards she kept on asking to this guy about what ever arun had expressed about his feeling , but still this guy wasn't sure to express himself.......

but after wards he express himself with the palette ....

now this guy is in big exult .......

but suddenly this gal concede that she already deeply attach to some one and its very difficult for her to move out of this ,,

this words seems like as some one perish the tree before fruits came on ........

ones again he predispose to earlier thoughts and abominate his decision to express him self ,,,

As earlier he was happy to not to express his thoughts but now he is in fuddle and berate on arun and his decision .......

as time progresses on arun left from there and again its became so late in the night.......

afterwards she also decided to move on ..........she left from there .....

astonishingly again she came back and asked the guy weather he want her cell no ............

it was like as you are asking for to have a water from thirsty guy ........she gave her no .......

guy called her on her no it was very first time they both are talking on cell.......

they kept on talking to each other up to morning.........

so this was there very first meeting with each other..........

after that every time guy kept on waiting for her call, so that he can talk to her and placate her all the problems............

So this was the very first time the guy came to know the love .........he was so happy to think that the gal to whom he kept on thinking ......now the days she talking to him .........as it was just like a dream come true ...........but from deep inside he was afraid of too,because of his sensitive and emotional nature ........

but ultimately he was really happy that he got his love and from inside he decided to just to live for her .................

but he wasn't known to the harsh reality of life , how dreams are always meant to be broken and nothing else ..................

TO BE CONTINUED..........

thanks to this page who can hear me .................

A journey..................called love

Hiii to you all as I told you in my last bog that from today

I m going to start a new chapter ,its all about a love story of an guy , who just instantly fell in love with a girls whom he had met in a chat room and how his life transformed ,how a simple ,common , cheerful guy fall in true love with an advance metropolitan gal , and how his and his dear ones life has changed after that......so lets begin with it ....

March 15 2009
its being quite late in night the guy fell sick of his PhD work and the jobs which allocated to him By Sports Authority of INDIA ,as its been just few month since he has been in Delhi, so doesn’t know many peoples over there and his school friend circle also scattered,,
So one of his friend advice him to go to chat room and just pass some quality time while chatting with every one,
So ultimately guy decided to pass some time on the chat room as he was heck of the work load...
he logged onto Delhi 19 room where loads of people chatting ,,,
as its being first time he logged into such site so it seems bit unusual that how he need to start his words ..
ultimately there was one guy who start talking to him ...his name was arun ...he just started with his unusual talks,and lately this boy engage in to his words and also start enjoying it ,slowly slowly there were other guys too who start mingle with in the conversations ,as he was in voice chat over there , the guy wasn’t known that the peoples are listening him and they were just making fun of his words ,
suddenly he saw a msg on the screen as, one gal crib about the filthy guys who, show the nerd things on the cam, guy thought that its his moral responsibility to support the gal and let her know that she need not to except such cams,
as he was fool and thought that she also a new bi to this chat room like him ,
Suddenly arun manipulate the guy words and complain to gal that this guy talking about her, the guy wasn’t known about this that she cant listen to him
hehehehe such a fool he was ,
the gal start conversation with guy and asking about what he was telling about her , the guy try to make her understand about what he told to her,suddenly arun msg this guy that gal was talking about his voice ,,,so arun ask this guy to just sing a song ...for every one ,,

Now this boy is in his utter dilemma that what he should do now as he feel quite shy but suddenly he consolidate all his valor and start singing ,,,,,the first song which he sang was "too hi re " the gal start cheering this guy , and asked to sing more songs ,the 2nd song was" tanha dil tanha safar",

the guy wasn’t known to this fact that this was all planned to make him fool....

suddenly she ask for more , the guy became soo touched by her words so he decided to sing the songs just for her , he kept on singing for all most whole night , and gal keep on cheering him , suddenly the gal said those magical words which will going to change the coming life of this stupid boy

as a msg appear on screan "I LOVE YOU " and just a flash guy became so touched to these words and instantally he start believing her words
, as arun also make him believe that she is true with her feeling , he wasn’t known to this fact its just a trick to make him fool and this all planned by arun and that gal ,
as it was quite late in night most of guys has already left from the room , and now there was only 3 peoples left in the room one that guy , that gal and arun , that guy still keep on singing as he was provoked by the gal , and deep in heart this guy also decided to just to sing for her , as he was singing for last few hours so his throat became so soar that he unable to speak even a single word,
then suddenly one more msg appear on the screan which make this guy completely shattered up to his deepest , suddenly gal wrote I LOVE YOU bhaiya means brother hehehehe......
the gal wasn’t known to this fact this guy start liking her but he really scare to tell this to her , but by her words he just shattered and became speech less ....
Lately arun make him understand that this was just a prank which is planned by her and him,
As they had spent a whole night so they all decided to add each other and start sharing each other picks,
Here also they both make this guy fool and shown the fake picks of their but the guy wasnt that smart and showed the real one of his,,,,
After wards gal decided to left as its being 6 in the morning, but the boy still in the shock, he trying to understand why she spoke all,
Are these words are too small that any one can use them so easily,,,,,
But arun try to make him understand that she is a city gal and he need not to trouble his senses, as the guy like him is just a joke for her, ,,,,
arun wasn’t known to this that those words had already transforms his life

Deep in heart the guy start liking her, .,,,, but he kept his emotions silent as still he was in the state of shock .....

The guy wasn’t known to this fact that this is not an end of all there is lot going to come on his way, which he need to face........
TO BE CONTINUED (and sorry for my words as I won’t mean to hurt any one)

Thanks to this page who can hear my heart.............

A running sky....

hii ,

its being for last 10 hours i am here at hyderabad, last night journey was like hell ,,got back side seat in the bus ,,as it was an AC volvo , but still finding my self so uncomfotable that i broke into hard sweating ....and finally request the driver to stop the bus so that i can vomit ,,, still my head is like 360 deg revolving ,,as one of my friend told my to opt the train rather than bus , at that time i felt that uhh ....why is it so as its volvo ,, but now i understood the meaning ..

what to tell about the hyderabad the only two place which is worth to dwell in are jublee hills and banjara hills other than that its seems like my...as some one has mess up with it too , roads are full of traffic and buses of god i just wish i look at them ......

well I feel like to get back to home as now its enough I have roam around but now i think its time to go back to home .....I will discuss about this journey in my next blog..................

as every building have a base to stand on and if the base is not there its better to not dream about the sky high ...coz one day surely its will go down ....

So now i dont have any reason to roam around ,,,,,

I have lost so many things in this past years. my status, my career and bla bla bla ......astrologically this past year wasnt very great in any sense ...

but this past year have a very beautiful thing with in it which make this year very special inspite of having so many flaws..

bacha u are the most beautifull thing which had happened to me ,,,,,

thanks for all those precious and cherishable moments.....

I am really tired ......wana to sleep forever with full of my eyes..

thnks a lot to this page who can hear me

unleash the dark ness.................

Hii , how are you all ,

Its been I have cried a lot , tears are keep on flowing and finding a place to get drown …………….

Last day I came to know the real meaning of love ,

What is love?

What my friend told me I want to share those words with you all…..

Love is just nothing but a bliss which I s given by one beautiful soul to another.

Since being in love I wasn’t realized it that what is love ….

All I had up in my heart, is to make her happy by any means..

I wasn’t known to this fact that ,she is not at all happy with me then what the point to be burden on her , my friend shown me the reality, so………,

What he told me that ,

If she would be happy with me she would call me at least but now as she wont be happy and I m just troubling her and nothing else …..

Bache I just want you to be happy in any means and nothing else …me worrying about your health ,,,,,

I really don’t have any more words to speak on ,,

I was unlucky to not to get my love ,

But I just pray for every ones life that they will reach to their Alma matter.

My friend told me that she don’t want even to talk to me that’s why she wont even call and talk even only for few minutes , so he just told me why I am troubling you with all this as you are happy with out you ,,coz in love the person cant stay away even for a second …..

I think what ever he said is all correct ………what else I can speak …..

What to do …..

Today leaving for Hyderabad may I can get some peace over there, my friend also want to accompany me but I want to remain alone as some thing has shattered deep into my heart ….I don’t know where to go ,but my great friend I need you .

Thanks to this page who can hear me.

let it go................

Hii….
How are you all?…
I m as usual here,still being in banglore,as I told you all that me looking to left for some other place as there was slight delay in plan because of the breaking of riots there….
But I am provoked to move there as now this place is stinging me….
Hmmmmm uffffff believe me I m really tired of my self,,,,I need to sleep where I can rest and lie down forever,
Please tell me the place where I can get peace ,I know the peace for which I m wandering is nothing , its just a illusion which I need to find out in my self ……

i guess we were that much alone when we were alone , but after being with someone I cant tell you how alone we became……

well All thanks to my dear friends ion this hard time who is still stood aside to me,,,,,

I have a question from all of you ….

Please answer me on the name of love why peoples play with the feelings of others ….
Are these words are so stupid that any one can use them for their meanness…

Past few days got to know two more unsuccessful love stories which make me shattered up to my deepest…
Both stories are about my dear friends ,,,,,,
In both stories I just realized that nothing is permanent here…

Why peoples betrays, why peoples use , why peoples play with the feelings,,,
Please I need an answer………please give me answer,,,

What has happened with me that was just nothing In comparison to what has happened with them…

That’s what make me realize that love is just nothing but a curse which is given by god in the form of punishment.

So what I feel rather than to hold the soul in you body it’s better to release it ,so that it will find its alma matter,,,,,
When something is out of your hand then its better to let that thing happen,

I guess its better to hurt your self rather than to be hurted by someone else, soar your heart In such away so that you cant feel the pain which is given by some one who had showed that she is so near and dear to you ,
I promise you try this and you will be out of every pain ,
no one can give you pain ....

thanks a lot to this page who can taking care of my feeling and will never hurt me…

walking alone without my soul...........

Hi,

Wats up with u all …..

So the news is this Ones again life start planning to play with me ,heheheh,

Today only I got a new job mail from London , u guys must be astonishing that ,,why the hell I m saying that life is playing with me ,well the most important news is this now the days I am doing best of my health hehehe ,,,,getting fitts on every one or alternative day…..

So this opportunity is seems like as some shows you the mug of water, but while move close to it you find it empty …..last night also condition was terrible ,felt so week that couldn’t gather the energy to go to loo, at last my friend came back and he called the doctor who put a bottle of drip ,,,after that only I find my self bit energies to stand…..on 9 th my plaster going to cut..

A big thanks to my friend who taking care of mine in every manner ,as being on leaves she is the only one who is taking care of all my expenses,

One very bad news as I got to realize , things were not being very great with my dad , my family is hiding some thing from me it seems like that they are in penury for since long time but they don’t want to reveal things to me ….

I m such a heck of guy who is mean in every sense and always cribbing about my life ….

But now I have decided to take care of my family as they need me before myself,

Ones again I m moving from here to somewhere….

I really don’t have any idea why and from whom I m running ….

It seems like I am in a close casket , which is full of mirror and among of all I m looking for a mirror who can show me the true glimpse of mine,,,,,

Every one trying to make me fool as I don’t know any thing, I really don’t have any problem with whom ever you are …..as, it shows when you care someone to make awake in context to someone’s health ….

.

I guess you know whom I am talking about …..plzzz tell me if you love him …ones you had asked me to light up the dark now I m asking you to light up the dark,

Believe me In this matter I will be the guy who will pray for you with core of my heart….it seems like as she already left the place and me still waiting near to the bench where we use to meet .....is she will come back ?plzz god ans me...

Well you are looking for wild life course I do have some very good contacts and Catherine and bhanu were looking to help me in your affairs.

Ones again all thanks to my great friend for her unconditional help….I really don’t have any idea how do I can thanks her......

Plzzz take care you all ……

One thing which I have realized what ever is kind of journey is , all you just need to keep on walking ,so I am walking and left the place for a new destination to make every one happy.

Don’t worry soon every thing gona fine.....

Thanks to this page who can hear me unconditionally.

A Drowning SOUL with a smile on

hii,
What’s up,………
With Every one,
It’s as usual morning here but now the days its all fun ……….
Every night me use to sleep some where at 4 am,
Day before yesterday we all went to mysore, as Akshita is here she is my dear friend cousin, so we all decided to make her see around, it was an evening trip,
But here I am going to talk about my own experience……….
It was so nice to be there walking all alone with your own self,,,, facing your own shadow in the dark water and trying hard to see the glimpse of yours soul in that…..and try to find out what you have got and what you have loose ….
And suddenly saw the sun that laying his almighty head down, as seems like he is also feel like a looser, isn’t I was looking for my face in that drowning sun, who losses his identity in this lake called love hehehehehe….
Now the days as I am thinking a lot, that what I was and now what I am? Some one assassinated me………. I am begging to my all mighty please give me my life back, please I beg you god ,,,,,,,,I want to be that guy who I was …….a simple and smily and who always keep on trying to make every one smile ….I am not a mystery who attracts others by hiding something , I m just a simple guy who cant hide anything from any one either his own sins or his love or his hate , I beg you my life don’t push me into from where I wont come back………
Few days back some one had asked me that is that love is an curse , hehehe well I do have an answer how can be love is an curse as there was no love hehehheheh………..as according to that person it was just some sought of things which was happened in bit hurry,
But finally trying hard to a new beginning ………..

Thanks to god and this page who can hear my heart

pretending to be happy

hii,
Every one,
hmm must its be quite long back, isn’t it?
Well sorry for that, as so many things has happened in these past few days, so lot of things to share on.....
1st now i really valued the relation called friendship, it’s just like a gem in dark life of mine who gave me every possible light to see my path.

2nd I was ill , having some stupid problem in my stupid brain hehehe, still most of time crying with pain like a lil baby as they keep on doing keep on doing uaan uaan uaaan ..... so as I m ,hhehehehe.
Finally A good news on my friend end she got the job offer in national geographic channel....but this stupid luking to refuse it ...dont you guys think so that she must be insane....
and more essencely what a stupid excuse she come up with that she don’t love her country n she dont wana to leave this place........wow what a great insanity ....I don’t have any specific idea why she refusing this golden opportunity...
i have make enough effort to make her understand but she is not even ready to listen a single word...i just pray and wish that god should give her some sense..

ohhh ya she was planning to came here but I don’t want her to be here as I don’t want her....and even she was in mumbai for 26/11 shooting and some recording so I really don’t want to disturb in her work...

As most probably now she is planning to be here on Wednesday may be she will ....
But still I don’t want her to be here coz my condition is still not up to mark and i dont want to reveal anything to her...
All thanks to her as ones again she came up like an savior ....
ya this time she helped me in a way when no one was there….

In other matters
I am really worried about her knee pain ....her health is not up to mark ....I just wish some how this 8 of dec passes away and she can gone through with full medical scanning...

ya ya I know must be you all are thinking ...as there is nothing left down then why all this now.......

Well some question remain to unanswered ehehehe,
I don’t know but as I can sense that must be some kind of turmoil she is in, and that for sure she has some trouble in her heart matter.
I just pray for my.....that she will get each and every happiness from the person with whom ever she is.....she will get all the love from him..

don’t worry bacha every thing will be fine....as I will be dre........I don’t weather u need me any more or not ..
Thanks for this page to hear me in my deepest way
I pray that she will get wonderful scores in her exams. As he helping her out so must be she will.
……….but yes now the days I m happy as coz of my friend got a great thing ...yepeeeeeee party

A true pretendence...... and a fake illusion and a broken sky

hiiiii,

Must be you all are thinking why i am getting so frequent with my words ,hehehe.
what to say as i feel this is the only place where i can open my heart, this page only can listen me....
well finally i got a good news i got a good job proposal ,,,,,,well for that again have to turn my pages towards Hyderabad....second thing is,
my dear friend is lookin to come here and she want me to accompany her to ooty ....hmmmm well dont know , what to do?...but i dont want to go....as i had some dream for this place ....but they all are dreams and dreams never turns into reality....heheheh
in matter of love one more slap, one more hehehe nothing ....well finally today she is happy i know the reason why since long time must be she being in fight with him and yesterday only she patch up with him ... thats why yesterday she told me to not to call her .....
all she want him yaar thats all she want .....and her all the happiness and sadness belong to him only ........man you was right,
well there is one more news on her side she planning to change her number hehehehe lol as so that can have cheap msgs hehehehehe.......

what to tell must be you was right ma....ri ...., and thnx to you yaar that still you stood up aside me....what ever you told me that was all true....
hehehe well she don't have any thing for me ,,,,
she loves him only....must be now you all are also getting boar why the hell iam keep on telling the same sentence whyyyyyyyyy sooo.....well i dont have any reason for this guys....ones again one more scar one more ......
again one more for last 3 days ....fake or real i don't have any idea?
well i really don't have any sought of grievance with her...

as she already chosen her love and life and more or less i am not that person...
but cant you except the reality...cme on i will be happy for you yaar ....
ahhhhhhhh
thank you very much bacha ......you have light up the darkness ...

thank you my best partner (blank page)as you always listen me ,
hehehe and more or less understand me with out saying even a word .

thnks bbye for now

A illusion.............with open fist

hiiii,

well writing here is just like rest in peace after a life long struggle.....

now the days in a new place with all strange faces around me ,but still thank to this page who seems like my own entity...

hehehe so at last i got every thing with my blank hands, and now i am king of my empty and wrecked heart and life, ,,,,,she just tell me that to not to have any confusions regarding the relationship ......she taken away that last hope my breaths too, what else is left hmmmm , well still want to being in illusion as its less painfull than the facts .....but one day i have to die to ....i don't have ans

As my friend had told me that love is an fealing which you will feel in an instance , it doesnt need an age to feel on .....my friend you was right.

she doesn't love me.............

but all i want her to be happy , so if she is not happy with me why the hell i am i am longing for her,

its seems like i am dragging her to wards my self , noooo i will not do that.

as ....she always use to tell me that i will not understand her........is that so i really need to ask about this......

today i got my .....ok cut it any ways , as iam not going to tell you everything ...but from now one thing i promise i will try to make every one happy... hehehe now every thing will going to be good ......i guess every thing would be fine..........me just worry about all those who are around me like my mom ,dad and my bacha and every one ...

i missed you forever bacha.......i just pray that some how i can make you understand what i feel..... that what i feel for you......but now i think its use less and even worthless.....as u have cleared all the confusions heheheheh.....

i really apologies you for every single hurting word..........

aaaaaaaaaaa really missed you lot bacha ......just take care of your self.....

i am really sorry to my great friend too .....i am really lucky that god own me you and thanks a lot for every thing which you have done for me up to now..

bacha i will never go with any one ,so don't worry i will remain alone but no one can take over this life as its......

aahhh some questions remain to be unanswered.so let them be like that ..

there is only one request which i have with you just do well in your life and be happy with whom ever you are or you will be ...my prays are always add happiness in your life...As your sky is always above you

thanks to this page.......who can hear me and understand me to the crest of my heart.

waiting for her........

hmmmm

isnt now the days my posts are quite lengthy,,,,,

must be you all are thinking that i always use crib about the love and life....

hehehe well today only i got a love proposal from one of my friend ....

she msgd me today morning and ask will be i am her boy friend....

fractionally speaking i really don't have any ans to give her .........she is great person i do admire her like every thing,more or less she is my great friend too,,, ..... how i can tell her that in spite of my heart is broken by her ,my life is betrayed by her,,,,, still my bondage with her is like everything ,,,still i love her upto my deepest entity.

but i am really scared i am scared to loose a great friend, plzz my friend i need you in this hard time of mine .... i shit scared to reply you back....i know i am really mean..........but i need you.

could u plzz tell me what all i can do...but this is also a real fact that still i am waiting for her.........will she come back one day?.

well one more news from my side again i am leaving my home for a new destination this time its really far off.............. tomorrow ill left for my new destination,,,,,,,,,,,

take care you all

wish you very great time .....

slowly- slowly iam also getting into habit of writing..........hehehe

i know she cant listen me but still i want my heart open to some one.......

thats why..........

thnx for hearing my heart........

going away..............from my own soul

hii

hows life.......

its being 3 days that i haven't replied...........

but that is also for the sake of her heart ,she is happy to be with him and i need to understand this fact as soon as possible.......

some one advised me to show my eternal love to her.....

i need to questioned my self what else i can do to make her feel....... is there any thing left ,

still i remember that 31 October and her killing words which she gave me so lightly .......

she do respect me but not any more that what she wrote over there..........

i need to ask her..... is that she believe in all that , that i have done so..........does she believe that in all that, is that she commit a mistake to knowing me , is that i am such a inhuman personality ,tell me....ans me...plzz tell meeeeeeee

......well i know she does believe, thats why she wrote all that ..........as i do understand her like my own part so she cant escape hehehe......she promised him that slowly slowly leave all contacts with me .....

but bacha just ans your self what about all those moments which we had spent together , what about all those things which i have done , iam not sying this coz i want to make you count but i just want to ask my self if iam that bad then what was that which i have done up to now.........? plzz tell me is all that was fake ..........just ans me, plzzz tell me ........wat was that.........plzz is that really i am a guy with the mask on my face ,just ans my questions ,,, plz ans bacha...........ufffffffffffffff how i can show my heart yaar what i can do... plzz tell me ones

i know she love him soo much .........that the only reason why i am moving out from my own life....

since last two days she calling me ...heheh its 7 times she called in two days .........and third day she msg that iam tired to call you.........hehehe just ask her how many times i had called her in a day but she never cares.........and she tired to call me in just two days.........i need to ask does she feel tired to call that guy she never felt soo , even she use too beg him to not to ignore her ...........well iam happy bacha that you have him...........

but i really want to ask to that guy .......just ans me what wrong i have done with you are .......i dont have words with ,,,,,,,you know very well what you have done and what you are from your insight...........dude its the third time u played the game..........but all thanx to you, u gave me such a life lesson.that to never have faith on any one , specially after what you have shown me to your self , but you dont deserve that even no one can deserve that ,,,,,dude you killed me ,you killed that person who was compassionate, who cares for pain ,........

may be you are right dude because what ever you have done that will satisfy you to your eternity and to have you you love .... so dude no hard fealing for you ..........

just one request from me that plzzz take care of your self and her .........i hope you will do .........

take care

bacha ,,,,,,,,,,,miss you lot, and you want na that none of my wishes will come true dont worry i will do my best so that i can make your wish come true........just be happy......

Fumes of my wreked soul............

Don't have any words to express,

just feel like as ,as my home is set on fire by my own lamp.

, have you ever thought of to betray your self, iam the one who still in the darkness of his own betrayal

the days had passed when i doesn't need to wait for her words , but now things has changed like another side of coin ,now slowly- slowly we are becoming the stranger's..........

If one can ask me which is the most ruthless punishment decided by the god for a being then my answer would be.......... surely to put him in love with someone ,

As death can separate your soul in an instance ,but this betrayal take away your soul, slowly,slowly and slowly.........and every apartness give you intense pain of whole world..........

my life is just like a burnt village where u cant find any thing except the fumes of my own inert thoughts, my own inert feelings, wreckage of my own unburnt dreams...........whom i use to cherish every night and kept awaken as a being guard of them ,so that no one can steal them .......most of time suddenly get up with a fear of to thrashed them........now i am really tired god ..........plzz give me a lap..... an arms who will be surrounded and slowly give relieve to this wandering soul and i can let these dreams to be rest in peace...........

there was a time when I was really angry that why they done this to me ..........believe me i tried my best to hate .......but failed to do so......

as one is my younger bro and Another is ...........?

I am happy that they both are happy as that is all to be needed........every one got everything .........but all i want just to tell me what is truth because i don't have dreams to broken up........... slowly slowly she moving part as she had promised............i want to ask to every one what wrong i have done........so this has done to me........one betrayal has changed my all the beliefs.........one betrayal shattered my all the faiths.............i cant hate any one just rather than my self ...................plzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz tell me whats there in.................this will give relief to my tired breaths ..................

i wasn't that alone when i was alone, as now become by being with you............its just like,as i sit on sea shore and asking for a drop of water who can delay my last breath..........

lot many things to write on ........but my head is aching a lot..............

All i can say I havn't done any thing wrong to u bacha..............as you are my most precious thing.....So how can i hurt my most precious thing...........some one provoke me to poke all by saying all fuming words which is unbearable to me ,,,,,,,,,,,,,bacha i know you hehehe and i know the reason of your happiness..........just pray to god that................. he will always keep you happy either he will give back from me.........i cant say that word but all i can say words ala h Hafiz

thanx to this blank page who can listen me.................

In deliemma

hiii
every one
as i told you that iam going to be regular ,while in my postings ,hehehe iam sorry that i tried my level best for the same but as usual iam sooo lazy to write my own thoughts,
now the days every thing is soo ocupied that i really dont have any words to express, but still my heart and my soul is vacant, and most interesting fact is now the days i use to have nice nap,
every day when i open my lappy to to get into my PhD work and research papers ,as soon as possible my eyelids occupied my senses into deep darkness.
but coz of some one ones again i start thinking on constructive path ,
heart and soul is ready to fire , and achieve everything by which i can assist her in her happiness,
but still how long lasting this happiness will be
as i can feel it that she is not mine ,as there is some one else in her life, but all i want is to be her smile , weather its coz of mine or any one ,
plzz god do some magic plzzz god wipe your stick in my life,
hope fully one day he will change it forever when she trully inderstand , whom she want in her life,
thnx to you all that u listen my heart with all your patients.

hii,

i am happy to get some one back on track of life.

but still in dellimma , is that she is really and trully happy.

i guess yes , as she need to be like that , as i am bit upset coz she counts me also in the number that me also like that.how can i make her understand that all harsh words are to for awake her so that she can also feel the happiness in her world. betu i never let you down , but you need to pay me back which should be in your million dollar smiles............................

but still iam happy as she is happy,

what to tell about the days , as its my first tinny step in this ruthless professional world,

so enduring all kind of politics,but thats apart the biggest thing which absorbing me is lonliness.............

as missing every one like hell .

plzzz dont leave my hand as i want u to grab me tight in ur arms.

so that no one take me away from myself.

missing every one

, i just feel like to fly to you so that again i can feel u.......as deepst part of mine........

missing you a lot.......................missing you a lot.......missing you a lot.

bbye for now........

thanx for hearing me........

A Melting Soul

hi every body ,

since last night so many thought's have came and vanished,

as its same as waves comes in the sea and vanished with in,

Isn't it my thoughts have the same tendency,

does they have any identity.

mind is killing the heart and heart killing the soul,

slowly slowly my heart is melting down in quest of his own definition,

and one day it will vanish as similar as the waves in the sea.

plzz save me from my own self, my self drowing,

plzz i want to breath a lung full of love, a mind full of thoughts,

a soul with out a pain,a eyes with out a tear , a face with laughs,

and a life with my own self

and at last a shoulder to cry on , a silence to understand my silence ,

a fingers to tangle with in my fingers,

don't know why i am saying and what i want .

bbye for now .

thnx for being there for me ,

A Burning heart

beyond the thoughts

well

at last now i have decided to be the serious buyer,

for past few weeks a lot many had happen ,some one again done the same deed.

which i had passed through,

I am bit angry this time , but still coud'nt find the expressions to express my anger or love or hatered , i really dont have any idea what it is ,

but now i know its all begin to a new end ,

long back some one told me,

you never know what the real happiness is unless you are not in love and

you never know real the pain is unless you loose it.

So Iam here to feel the pain ,

but one thing know i understand ,that love the person who love you , one sided love is just a synonym of pain thats it .

bby for now

promise you

now onwards only you can hear my heart.

thnx for every thing ........

why always true love lost

hiiii guys ,

well this is my favourite color ,

hmmm guess whatt hehehe again i am alone ,hehehe single and ready to mingle........

but still dont know how to react on what ever happened last night....but that shattered me upto deepest....

well trying hard to revive what ever we lost , but still i am in quest of why true loves always lost ,,,,,,

why this has happened to me ,,whyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy......

what ever i have shown to her isnt that's enough ,,,what else she need to understand about love ......

plzzz tell me whats my fault ........

why all this given to me,,,,

is that i have done some thing wrong to any one.....

why god punishing me and for which sin.....

still need to understand what love is .......i need to ask from you all isnt that was love which she had shown ....

can you answer me ...to get into life is that love need ages or just a moment.....

well still iam optimistic bcoz i am not that week trying hardest to conquire my senses..........which i am loosing ......

but still pane of broken dreams aching my eyes...... well those were great days to cherish must be because of first love ........

well its okkey some time its happen yaar......its okkey now get back to work

but now i hate this word love..................well now trying hard to make myself drown in something so that nothing gona come in my mind ........

so as now i am dam serious for future prospects......well today i am bit happy the reason is my proff frpm US he called me and ask me about my phd work...........hehehe bit happy as its a drop let in the desert....

well thanks for your generosity and taught me a lifetime lesson......so as now i am afraid of love..

i never thought of that i can be that much help less......

still god bless you .....wish you great life and be happy as your smile is the reason for my smile.....

thanks to u all who use to listen me......