pretending to be happy

hii,
Every one,
hmm must its be quite long back, isn’t it?
Well sorry for that, as so many things has happened in these past few days, so lot of things to share on.....
1st now i really valued the relation called friendship, it’s just like a gem in dark life of mine who gave me every possible light to see my path.

2nd I was ill , having some stupid problem in my stupid brain hehehe, still most of time crying with pain like a lil baby as they keep on doing keep on doing uaan uaan uaaan ..... so as I m ,hhehehehe.
Finally A good news on my friend end she got the job offer in national geographic channel....but this stupid luking to refuse it ...dont you guys think so that she must be insane....
and more essencely what a stupid excuse she come up with that she don’t love her country n she dont wana to leave this place........wow what a great insanity ....I don’t have any specific idea why she refusing this golden opportunity...
i have make enough effort to make her understand but she is not even ready to listen a single word...i just pray and wish that god should give her some sense..

ohhh ya she was planning to came here but I don’t want her to be here as I don’t want her....and even she was in mumbai for 26/11 shooting and some recording so I really don’t want to disturb in her work...

As most probably now she is planning to be here on Wednesday may be she will ....
But still I don’t want her to be here coz my condition is still not up to mark and i dont want to reveal anything to her...
All thanks to her as ones again she came up like an savior ....
ya this time she helped me in a way when no one was there….

In other matters
I am really worried about her knee pain ....her health is not up to mark ....I just wish some how this 8 of dec passes away and she can gone through with full medical scanning...

ya ya I know must be you all are thinking ...as there is nothing left down then why all this now.......

Well some question remain to unanswered ehehehe,
I don’t know but as I can sense that must be some kind of turmoil she is in, and that for sure she has some trouble in her heart matter.
I just pray for my.....that she will get each and every happiness from the person with whom ever she is.....she will get all the love from him..

don’t worry bacha every thing will be fine....as I will be dre........I don’t weather u need me any more or not ..
Thanks for this page to hear me in my deepest way
I pray that she will get wonderful scores in her exams. As he helping her out so must be she will.
……….but yes now the days I m happy as coz of my friend got a great thing ...yepeeeeeee party

A true pretendence...... and a fake illusion and a broken sky

hiiiii,

Must be you all are thinking why i am getting so frequent with my words ,hehehe.
what to say as i feel this is the only place where i can open my heart, this page only can listen me....
well finally i got a good news i got a good job proposal ,,,,,,well for that again have to turn my pages towards Hyderabad....second thing is,
my dear friend is lookin to come here and she want me to accompany her to ooty ....hmmmm well dont know , what to do?...but i dont want to go....as i had some dream for this place ....but they all are dreams and dreams never turns into reality....heheheh
in matter of love one more slap, one more hehehe nothing ....well finally today she is happy i know the reason why since long time must be she being in fight with him and yesterday only she patch up with him ... thats why yesterday she told me to not to call her .....
all she want him yaar thats all she want .....and her all the happiness and sadness belong to him only ........man you was right,
well there is one more news on her side she planning to change her number hehehehe lol as so that can have cheap msgs hehehehehe.......

what to tell must be you was right ma....ri ...., and thnx to you yaar that still you stood up aside me....what ever you told me that was all true....
hehehe well she don't have any thing for me ,,,,
she loves him only....must be now you all are also getting boar why the hell iam keep on telling the same sentence whyyyyyyyyy sooo.....well i dont have any reason for this guys....ones again one more scar one more ......
again one more for last 3 days ....fake or real i don't have any idea?
well i really don't have any sought of grievance with her...

as she already chosen her love and life and more or less i am not that person...
but cant you except the reality...cme on i will be happy for you yaar ....
ahhhhhhhh
thank you very much bacha ......you have light up the darkness ...

thank you my best partner (blank page)as you always listen me ,
hehehe and more or less understand me with out saying even a word .

thnks bbye for now

A illusion.............with open fist

hiiii,

well writing here is just like rest in peace after a life long struggle.....

now the days in a new place with all strange faces around me ,but still thank to this page who seems like my own entity...

hehehe so at last i got every thing with my blank hands, and now i am king of my empty and wrecked heart and life, ,,,,,she just tell me that to not to have any confusions regarding the relationship ......she taken away that last hope my breaths too, what else is left hmmmm , well still want to being in illusion as its less painfull than the facts .....but one day i have to die to ....i don't have ans

As my friend had told me that love is an fealing which you will feel in an instance , it doesnt need an age to feel on .....my friend you was right.

she doesn't love me.............

but all i want her to be happy , so if she is not happy with me why the hell i am i am longing for her,

its seems like i am dragging her to wards my self , noooo i will not do that.

as ....she always use to tell me that i will not understand her........is that so i really need to ask about this......

today i got my .....ok cut it any ways , as iam not going to tell you everything ...but from now one thing i promise i will try to make every one happy... hehehe now every thing will going to be good ......i guess every thing would be fine..........me just worry about all those who are around me like my mom ,dad and my bacha and every one ...

i missed you forever bacha.......i just pray that some how i can make you understand what i feel..... that what i feel for you......but now i think its use less and even worthless.....as u have cleared all the confusions heheheheh.....

i really apologies you for every single hurting word..........

aaaaaaaaaaa really missed you lot bacha ......just take care of your self.....

i am really sorry to my great friend too .....i am really lucky that god own me you and thanks a lot for every thing which you have done for me up to now..

bacha i will never go with any one ,so don't worry i will remain alone but no one can take over this life as its......

aahhh some questions remain to be unanswered.so let them be like that ..

there is only one request which i have with you just do well in your life and be happy with whom ever you are or you will be ...my prays are always add happiness in your life...As your sky is always above you

thanks to this page.......who can hear me and understand me to the crest of my heart.

waiting for her........

hmmmm

isnt now the days my posts are quite lengthy,,,,,

must be you all are thinking that i always use crib about the love and life....

hehehe well today only i got a love proposal from one of my friend ....

she msgd me today morning and ask will be i am her boy friend....

fractionally speaking i really don't have any ans to give her .........she is great person i do admire her like every thing,more or less she is my great friend too,,, ..... how i can tell her that in spite of my heart is broken by her ,my life is betrayed by her,,,,, still my bondage with her is like everything ,,,still i love her upto my deepest entity.

but i am really scared i am scared to loose a great friend, plzz my friend i need you in this hard time of mine .... i shit scared to reply you back....i know i am really mean..........but i need you.

could u plzz tell me what all i can do...but this is also a real fact that still i am waiting for her.........will she come back one day?.

well one more news from my side again i am leaving my home for a new destination this time its really far off.............. tomorrow ill left for my new destination,,,,,,,,,,,

take care you all

wish you very great time .....

slowly- slowly iam also getting into habit of writing..........hehehe

i know she cant listen me but still i want my heart open to some one.......

thats why..........

thnx for hearing my heart........

going away..............from my own soul

hii

hows life.......

its being 3 days that i haven't replied...........

but that is also for the sake of her heart ,she is happy to be with him and i need to understand this fact as soon as possible.......

some one advised me to show my eternal love to her.....

i need to questioned my self what else i can do to make her feel....... is there any thing left ,

still i remember that 31 October and her killing words which she gave me so lightly .......

she do respect me but not any more that what she wrote over there..........

i need to ask her..... is that she believe in all that , that i have done so..........does she believe that in all that, is that she commit a mistake to knowing me , is that i am such a inhuman personality ,tell me....ans me...plzz tell meeeeeeee

......well i know she does believe, thats why she wrote all that ..........as i do understand her like my own part so she cant escape hehehe......she promised him that slowly slowly leave all contacts with me .....

but bacha just ans your self what about all those moments which we had spent together , what about all those things which i have done , iam not sying this coz i want to make you count but i just want to ask my self if iam that bad then what was that which i have done up to now.........? plzz tell me is all that was fake ..........just ans me, plzzz tell me ........wat was that.........plzz is that really i am a guy with the mask on my face ,just ans my questions ,,, plz ans bacha...........ufffffffffffffff how i can show my heart yaar what i can do... plzz tell me ones

i know she love him soo much .........that the only reason why i am moving out from my own life....

since last two days she calling me ...heheh its 7 times she called in two days .........and third day she msg that iam tired to call you.........hehehe just ask her how many times i had called her in a day but she never cares.........and she tired to call me in just two days.........i need to ask does she feel tired to call that guy she never felt soo , even she use too beg him to not to ignore her ...........well iam happy bacha that you have him...........

but i really want to ask to that guy .......just ans me what wrong i have done with you are .......i dont have words with ,,,,,,,you know very well what you have done and what you are from your insight...........dude its the third time u played the game..........but all thanx to you, u gave me such a life lesson.that to never have faith on any one , specially after what you have shown me to your self , but you dont deserve that even no one can deserve that ,,,,,dude you killed me ,you killed that person who was compassionate, who cares for pain ,........

may be you are right dude because what ever you have done that will satisfy you to your eternity and to have you you love .... so dude no hard fealing for you ..........

just one request from me that plzzz take care of your self and her .........i hope you will do .........

take care

bacha ,,,,,,,,,,,miss you lot, and you want na that none of my wishes will come true dont worry i will do my best so that i can make your wish come true........just be happy......

Fumes of my wreked soul............

Don't have any words to express,

just feel like as ,as my home is set on fire by my own lamp.

, have you ever thought of to betray your self, iam the one who still in the darkness of his own betrayal

the days had passed when i doesn't need to wait for her words , but now things has changed like another side of coin ,now slowly- slowly we are becoming the stranger's..........

If one can ask me which is the most ruthless punishment decided by the god for a being then my answer would be.......... surely to put him in love with someone ,

As death can separate your soul in an instance ,but this betrayal take away your soul, slowly,slowly and slowly.........and every apartness give you intense pain of whole world..........

my life is just like a burnt village where u cant find any thing except the fumes of my own inert thoughts, my own inert feelings, wreckage of my own unburnt dreams...........whom i use to cherish every night and kept awaken as a being guard of them ,so that no one can steal them .......most of time suddenly get up with a fear of to thrashed them........now i am really tired god ..........plzz give me a lap..... an arms who will be surrounded and slowly give relieve to this wandering soul and i can let these dreams to be rest in peace...........

there was a time when I was really angry that why they done this to me ..........believe me i tried my best to hate .......but failed to do so......

as one is my younger bro and Another is ...........?

I am happy that they both are happy as that is all to be needed........every one got everything .........but all i want just to tell me what is truth because i don't have dreams to broken up........... slowly slowly she moving part as she had promised............i want to ask to every one what wrong i have done........so this has done to me........one betrayal has changed my all the beliefs.........one betrayal shattered my all the faiths.............i cant hate any one just rather than my self ...................plzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz tell me whats there in.................this will give relief to my tired breaths ..................

i wasn't that alone when i was alone, as now become by being with you............its just like,as i sit on sea shore and asking for a drop of water who can delay my last breath..........

lot many things to write on ........but my head is aching a lot..............

All i can say I havn't done any thing wrong to u bacha..............as you are my most precious thing.....So how can i hurt my most precious thing...........some one provoke me to poke all by saying all fuming words which is unbearable to me ,,,,,,,,,,,,,bacha i know you hehehe and i know the reason of your happiness..........just pray to god that................. he will always keep you happy either he will give back from me.........i cant say that word but all i can say words ala h Hafiz

thanx to this blank page who can listen me.................